Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
