your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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