Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
