I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
