Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
