I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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