oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
