i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize