At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
