Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
