He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
