i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
