so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
