she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
