You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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