last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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