Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
