I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
