haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
