did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
