just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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