Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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