He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
