gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
