Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
