no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
