There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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