god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
