u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
