What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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