Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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