He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
