I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
