I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
