just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
