i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
