I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your cock deserves a montage
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
