i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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