how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
