He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize