I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
