so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
