Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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