how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
