he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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