marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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