I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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