i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize
