My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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