so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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