I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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