Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
