I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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