i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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