Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
