I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
