Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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