dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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