okay pat passed out under dana's car
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
