It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
