it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize