I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
