I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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