Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize