Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
