He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my liver is dry heaving
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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