if you like me you must not know who I am
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
