I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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